Guess I got bored with this blog site...so switched over to blogspot...

http://www.ksmkumar.blogspot.com

There are few other options that came into my mind. Coffee always works wonders..you know..! If you want to be lazy as well as you want to wipe out that accumulating guilt, one choice you could make is, become an atheist. Or, take the easiest way, assume that god always forgive you, let whatever be the mistake you do. If you read it carefully, you will notice that, the latter option is the one that more than 50% of the people choose. Man, you should have s#@$ loads of crap in your head to make such an assumption. Think of it in this way, a guy ties you to a pole, makes you immobile, then burns logs and logs of perfume sticks, loads and loads of wax candles and oil wicks in front of your face, and allows all the ashes to accumulate around you, and more importantly gives you no food, yea make you starve..!! and then suddenly one day realizes that you are in a deep s@#$ and leaves you free and assumes that you will forgive him. Dont say you will. If that is the case I assume that you are one big worthless dumbass. When that guy leaves you free, you wont even bother to eat, but search for gas and lighter to burn him alive, wont you..?? Now imagine GODS in your position. So, realizing this, I went to the corner one more time, and tried to have a small conversation with GOD, not to ask for forgiveness, but in a graduate student's language asked for more time. Always remember this: when a grad student says give me some time, I will try working on it, that means I am not doing it. But god is not a grad student, hence he might not understand these fundas.

I explained him my situation, he felt bad for my bored, tired and figure less (read it girl less) graduate life (I literally loathed him that moment, even though he said he felt bad for me, at no point of time, as a god he assured me that he will  try to "figure" out the problem. At that very instant I felt that, this self-centered fellow is very much a fit candidate to be in that deep shit). The whole day passed without much incidents, as my room mate was out of town, I was trying to figure out things which I can do to avoid getting bored, although traveling alone to theatre to watch a movie or to a coffee shop didnt seem a colorful option. The next day was no different from the previous day except for one that I woke up pretty much early to go for gym. The day again passed with very less incidents, going out for lunch, watching a boring movie in TNT, and solving some sudoku puzzles. At around 6 PM I realized that I am bored to death. I am done for the day regarding my research work, and I am no way in a mood to read books. I came to a conclusion that I need some job, some work to keep myself engaged. I roamed around the house, putting things in order and suddenly the corner came into my focus. Out of bloom, cleaning became a good time pass.

I went to the cleaning rack, identified cleaning reagents, scrubs etc, and went to the shelf to collect the idols, but not before making those guys clear that, I am doing this just out of shear boredom and not because that I am scared of their vengence. Self respect is always very important you see..!! whether it be the Gods or the humans that who stand in front of you.

End.

A few weeks back, when I was doing my regular visit to the corner of my room, after taking my bath, something unusual happened. Fine let me do a clarification before your weird imagination jumps up to any conclusion. In the corner of my room, near my wardrobe is a small tray that basically acts as a shack for the photos/statues of the gods (whom I believein - lets put it this way at this point of time). Suddenly, one of the god spoke to me, he said, "guess you clean your house every time you invite some one, or everytime some one leaves your house after staying for a few days or a few weeks, but did you ever think that you should clean my surroundings?, fine I may be the god, I can do these things in a matter of second, atleast thats what you guys believe, but at this point you should atleast consider me as a mere non living object that needs a few drops of soap solution and water." With all those burnt ashes of perfume sticks, drops of oil at various places, and a layer of dust on his face - including his eyes, for a second I felt really bad for that guy. So I promised him that I do feel bad for his situation and I will try to find some time in my busy graduate life to work on this issue. He patiently waited for a week,. Again one fine morning during my corner visit, I heard a few hissing sounds. And to be frank I assumed that to be my roommate's snoring sound. But then I realised that the origin of the sound is from that tiny piece in the corner of that shelf. And as usual he again reminded me of his poor situation, and again I promised him in a way very similar to a politician, that all his problems will be solved when he votes for me. Vote here means I should have a peaceful group meeting on that day. And like a true citizen he kept his promise and like a true politician I did not. Days went, but nothing changed, with piles of dust on his face, stomach and legs etc., etc., and with scores of oily dust in his surroundings, I realized that the wrath of him on me is very near. The tray was becoming a place for all possible divine communicable diseases.

It was a peaceful saturday morning, but after a minute I realized that it  was saturday afternoon. Com'on, student life, you are allowed to make these mistakes! With a coffee in my hand I was roaming around the house, yea, I know its just 2 rooms, but men in thinking mode always walk while sipping their (morning) coffee. And suddenly I realized that there is very less space to walk, not because that the rooms are small, but that stuffs are now establishing the rights for their surface area more than never before. It is very similar to this eerie thought where, you sit in this big, empty marble floored hall with no lights, and suddenly you realize that your legs are pulled apart by those wild snakes and giant creepers which is creeping into the hall out of no where. OK ..OK..its not so bad, but I just thought that this imagination would help me dramatize the situation. So with this impending doom shadowing on me, I realized that the GODS ARE ANGRY. I could hear my soul shouting at me, mouthing some really filthy stuffs. It was very clear. It was do or die situation. Make a hot, steamy, bubble bath for the gods or get ready to sail for the Noah's Ark.

Cont..!

For the past 30 minutes I am trying real hard to find a face that I can put forward in this blog. I guess I am failing. Here are the 2 faces, I can be this romantic guy who is trying hard to make some girl fall for me or may be I am this loser who sucks big time catapulting my thoughts with in this life zone of a grad student. The fact is I donno, but the more I think, my life horizons are moving towards the latter one. Some where in some webpages (if any firm offers to pay money for the number of hours browsing I bet the winner would be a grad student), I read that Scorpios are passionate, vibrant and highly confidant people. I was wondering whether those words matches me, I got confused, but I finally found the answer. What am I passionate about..the answer is confusion, coz my passion rests on emotions. OK fine, I hear your shouting - "where am I going from here?". Sorry, I am confused.

For the past few months, my brain is getting stagnated with respect to thoughts, especially thoughts about girls. The one time adoloscent period where I fantasized movie heroines and baywatch episodes are completely missing. The other day, I was trying real hard to find where those imaginations have gone. Guys staying along with me, more or less everyone have some person, a movie heroine or a girl next door as their fantasy. In the middle of a movie watching, they crane their neck and shout at a girl saying "Man, she is hot"...immediately my hyper active brain screams at them asking the meaning for hot. Cause the only thing I can call hot at this stage is my electric range's heating coil. And now, dont stick up your neck and shout at me saying "may be you are gay". This whole writing is not about me not attracted to a particular sex. But its more about the transformation in my mind in terms of dealing with a issue. Its more about how fast I am losing interest over the entire aspect of life that has sex as one of the prime foundation. And when I think about this, my over worked brain teases me saying, may be your are ready for saint hood, may be your goals in life are far high and Mr.God doesnt want you get tied up the misery conundrum of marriage, sex and relationships. Immediately my soul shouted back asking my brain to shut up and stop working for some time.

A day back, I was reading a tamil novel by Balakumaran, titled "irumbu kuthiraigal". I donno how many of you have read it. Lets forget the novel's title and author. The story revolved around the concept of the fear thats gripping the minds of young people with respect to marriage. I couldnt really argue back, when one character in that novel shouted that she needs a child but she dont want a husband. The fear in that modern woman in regard to losing her independance is so high that she doesnt bother even losing her so called "dignity" in front of the society. After completing the novel, my already over worked brain tried to be more passionate yes, you got it right I ended up more confused. I cant put my entire thoughts in regard to things like, why my brains feel dry, or what within me fears marriage or relationships or how I see women thru my eyes in this single blog. But I hope to do that in a series of rumblings. I hope this doesnt end up like my many other un ending blog series.

Earth quakes, Tsunamis, Volcano, Flood...! Millions killed. Huh Most of it directly or indirectly are man made furies. Of course man/ man made media, takes in to account all these disasters, it just stews in his mind for few weeks or maximum a few months and then dies very similar to himself. In the mean time, disasters provide ways for man to show his sympathy, his charitable gesture to the so called weaklings who are now supposed to be in the mercy of the so called safe men. The devleoped countries plays diplomacy, dumps its waste products sorry provides help, some countries magnanimoulsy accepts and some rejects it, may be a prestigious issue. And lets not forget its man who create the problem, he identifies ways to solve the problem, but he doesnt want the problem to be solved too fast and too quick. May be at one stage man may get tired. Tired of fighting nature, tired of fighting the so called furies of earth. As soon as a disaster strucks, his media says "Nature's fury", "Mother earth's wrath on her child", but I dont know why he doesnt do the same when he drill the earth for tons of oil, he calls it Oil exploration, he doesnt say "oh my god..Mother earth Bleeds". Something fuzzy, I cant even see thru the glass in front of me, but I am trying to.

Is Nature or earth trying hard to find a balance? Or it just got too bored with us ! If earth as astronomers says, is a very a tiny speck in the kingdom of Universe, then mankind as a whole is considered negligible. But our environment, our habits always puts Man in front of everyone as if he is the supreme being of the Universe. But in another perspective, as the Film Matrix puts it, is man a virus, as he just exploits the nature, exhausts it and then moves to another place and multiply. I donno. But I am sure I dont want myself to branded as a virus.

In the middle of the 19th century, Darwin suggested the theory of natural selection. So by his theory, nature is always under control, Natures always balances it. Nature at the end is always correct. Is Darwin Correct ?In my perspective he may be correct. If the black and white moths selection was governed by the man made Industrial revolution, is man not indirectly governed by another man made product? Are Selfishness and Greediness acting as a tool for Natural selection? I guess so.